Completely up front, I do not have kids, and honestly don't know too many of them personally. So, what ever I say please, take it in the spirit of an untested idea that seems to make sense to me.
On the other hand, I'm on the board of an organization that helps teens at risk with a structured living environment and other help, and now, after a recent merger we are a degree granting High School to our residential students and parenting teens. So, it is not as if I don't care about adolescents I am just not that comfortable with kids.
We hear a lot about reading to your kids when they are young. But, I never hear much about reading with your older kids. When I was a teen, my parents, who probably recognized my gutter snipe ways, often checked what books I was reading. But we never talked about them.
Image by Pesky Library via FlickrBack then we did not have much in the way of a Young Adult selection. ARE YOU THERE GOD, IT'S ME, MARGARET by Judy Blume, was the most visible book of the YA section.
Now, YA is a huge sector of the publishing industry. Kids have more disposable income of their own and with the e-pub revolution YA literature; all literature, is more accessible than ever. And, like ARE YOU THERE GOD, IT'S ME, MARGARET continues to address important issues to tweens and teens.
Today's YA selection is a gold mine for parenting. And, parenting is so conscious now. Back when I was a kid, people had kids and were parents, ta da! Now, many people I know take parenting classes. To be sure there are still parents who do their best adn follow the example their parents set and much of the time this is fine.
But, YA is so enjoyable for adults as well as kids. And, the issues raised are really important. And, if you read what your kid does you can discuss the issues without being preachy or accusatory, or without being what your kids will see as pedantic and directed at them.
In an October 12, 2011 review of “7 THINGS YOUR TEENAGER WON’T TELL YOU: And How to Talk About Them Anyway,” by Robin M. Deutsch and Jenifer Marshall Lippincott, Counselor Carmella from Counselor Carmella's Couch writes:
For example, in Twilight: New Moon, the heroine, Bella's boyfriend leaves her and he and his family move away to complete the break to keep her safe. In the book months pass as a series of empty chapters symbolizing her near catatonia. He was all that mattered to her, and hell, I remember that feeling, but we didn't talk about it at home. Boys were discussed as "getting too serious," or "don't be "fast" with that boy. Bella's Dad, Charlie, was absentee most of her youth as Mom had moved away. So he is a fairly lax parent. Hell, a boy is sleeping, chastely, with his daughter in her room for who knows how long and he doesn't know! That parental ineptitude is common in YA books and a big reason that you should know what your kids are reading! But, if you are "Up" with Bella's having subsumed her life and personality to such an extent to Edward's, you can discuss the characters and the plot and not your teens character. You have the choice of listening to what your kids feel about Bella's behavior and learning about them in much the same way you learn about your adult friends.
To be sure, your kids still need to know what you believe and what your expectations are. But, if your daughter says that she completely understands Bella and wishes she were her then you know there is something going on and then as a parent you can use the discussion as a way of helping her. The above cited review goes on to say that you shouldn't be reading buddies with your kids, but definitely maintain the parental relationship. But, I don't think that means you can't have mutually respectful book discussions. She also says that you should know who your kids are hanging out with. Well, if those kids are Bella, and Edward, or any of the other kids from YA literature you will be well aware.
Enough.
Especially from a non-parent. This is just my belief. I think if my parents had been more conscious about this kind of thing and we had discussed it through a third party like a book, life would have been different for me and I would be more resilient. I might not have been so rebellious if values weren't shoved down my throat, but I had been allowed to think about them. If I hadn't heard that universal reason, "Because I am your parent that's why!" as the only justification for restrictions or what they wanted, I would have had more respect for them. If they had said something like "Charlie is busy, and Bella seems pretty grown up, but I just don't get him being so brain dead." I could have discussed it with them and understood what they were saying better.
I'm just saying....
On the other hand, I'm on the board of an organization that helps teens at risk with a structured living environment and other help, and now, after a recent merger we are a degree granting High School to our residential students and parenting teens. So, it is not as if I don't care about adolescents I am just not that comfortable with kids.
We hear a lot about reading to your kids when they are young. But, I never hear much about reading with your older kids. When I was a teen, my parents, who probably recognized my gutter snipe ways, often checked what books I was reading. But we never talked about them.
Image by Pesky Library via FlickrBack then we did not have much in the way of a Young Adult selection. ARE YOU THERE GOD, IT'S ME, MARGARET by Judy Blume, was the most visible book of the YA section.Now, YA is a huge sector of the publishing industry. Kids have more disposable income of their own and with the e-pub revolution YA literature; all literature, is more accessible than ever. And, like ARE YOU THERE GOD, IT'S ME, MARGARET continues to address important issues to tweens and teens.
Today's YA selection is a gold mine for parenting. And, parenting is so conscious now. Back when I was a kid, people had kids and were parents, ta da! Now, many people I know take parenting classes. To be sure there are still parents who do their best adn follow the example their parents set and much of the time this is fine.
But, YA is so enjoyable for adults as well as kids. And, the issues raised are really important. And, if you read what your kid does you can discuss the issues without being preachy or accusatory, or without being what your kids will see as pedantic and directed at them.
In an October 12, 2011 review of “7 THINGS YOUR TEENAGER WON’T TELL YOU: And How to Talk About Them Anyway,” by Robin M. Deutsch and Jenifer Marshall Lippincott, Counselor Carmella from Counselor Carmella's Couch writes:
The authors stress that parents shouldn’t assume that their child “would never” do certain things. Many teens, even those from “good” homes” experiment with alcohol, smoking, drugs, and sexual behaviors. Most teens lie to their parents, either outright, by minimizing, or by simply not saying. Parents need to be aware of what is “typical” for today’s teens in terms of what they watch, listen to, and gain access to online. Knowing what’s going on is extremely important in general and helps parents to know how to respond to their own teens. Parents should not be afraid to bring up topics such as sex, drugs, drinking, etc., because teens are already openly talking about these things amongst themselves in ways that parents might never have when they were teenagers.
For example, in Twilight: New Moon, the heroine, Bella's boyfriend leaves her and he and his family move away to complete the break to keep her safe. In the book months pass as a series of empty chapters symbolizing her near catatonia. He was all that mattered to her, and hell, I remember that feeling, but we didn't talk about it at home. Boys were discussed as "getting too serious," or "don't be "fast" with that boy. Bella's Dad, Charlie, was absentee most of her youth as Mom had moved away. So he is a fairly lax parent. Hell, a boy is sleeping, chastely, with his daughter in her room for who knows how long and he doesn't know! That parental ineptitude is common in YA books and a big reason that you should know what your kids are reading! But, if you are "Up" with Bella's having subsumed her life and personality to such an extent to Edward's, you can discuss the characters and the plot and not your teens character. You have the choice of listening to what your kids feel about Bella's behavior and learning about them in much the same way you learn about your adult friends.
To be sure, your kids still need to know what you believe and what your expectations are. But, if your daughter says that she completely understands Bella and wishes she were her then you know there is something going on and then as a parent you can use the discussion as a way of helping her. The above cited review goes on to say that you shouldn't be reading buddies with your kids, but definitely maintain the parental relationship. But, I don't think that means you can't have mutually respectful book discussions. She also says that you should know who your kids are hanging out with. Well, if those kids are Bella, and Edward, or any of the other kids from YA literature you will be well aware.
Enough.
Especially from a non-parent. This is just my belief. I think if my parents had been more conscious about this kind of thing and we had discussed it through a third party like a book, life would have been different for me and I would be more resilient. I might not have been so rebellious if values weren't shoved down my throat, but I had been allowed to think about them. If I hadn't heard that universal reason, "Because I am your parent that's why!" as the only justification for restrictions or what they wanted, I would have had more respect for them. If they had said something like "Charlie is busy, and Bella seems pretty grown up, but I just don't get him being so brain dead." I could have discussed it with them and understood what they were saying better.
I'm just saying....
